If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
