ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No subtext here. People are naked.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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