She said her name was "party"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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