Well apparently he's into motor boating.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
