turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
