i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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