is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
