If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
