I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
