Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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