I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
