sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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