My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
