It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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