I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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