still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
