it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
