OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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