Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
