he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
