I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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