On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
