ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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