Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
