I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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