Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
