forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
