have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
