i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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