the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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