You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
