Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
