I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
