I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
