Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
