hotel room ftw
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
