the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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