i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
