Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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