Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
