All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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