apparently the secret to your success is patron
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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