my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
