i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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