she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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