My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
only you would photoshop your dick
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
