talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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