Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
