Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
