I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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