No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
