I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
