my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
