Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
