need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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