Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
