Sober January is a disaster.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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