i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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