I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
