I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
