Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
