Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We had sex on a dog bed..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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