Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
