Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry about my life...
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
