I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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