Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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