Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
