Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
