I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize