She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
