Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
