Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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