so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
