i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize