Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
