my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
