just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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