It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
