Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
