I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
