He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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