Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
only if we run a train.
done.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
