and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
