Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
