I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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