When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
