There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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