I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
