Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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