first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
