Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
