He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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