im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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