So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just gift wrapped bread.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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