he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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