We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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