Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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