mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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