I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
