we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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