I think I won the penis lottery.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
