Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
