I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
as a side note pls kill me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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